Our oldest son is now 22 yrs old. We miss him so much. 6 days later we celebrated Christmas and tonight (1 day early) we celebrate our daughter turning 17 yrs old. Then next week our son will turn 9 yrs old. Needless to say we have a busy winter season as 1 more son will be 19 yrs old in February.
With every birthday I of corse go back with my memories to their birth. Really, what mom doesn't think of the day their precious baby was welcomed into this world. Ugh, then I get all weepy cause the time just went by so fast. Well, did it? Or was I just too busy with other things? I often ask myself, what if... I always feel like something could have been done to hold on to each of them just a little bit longer. Maybe if I took my time or maybe I just rushed them to grow up too fast. Ok, who am I kidding? I know I didn't make anyone grow up any sooner than needed, yet I always feel like I could have done something different.
I guess the only real different thing I could have done is accept. Accept that everything is going the way God is intending for it to go. It's just so hard. I look at all the good and think, Wow that's awesome! Then I look at all the bad and the heart break then I say, why? Why did God want that experience for us? I have such a difficult time accepting that everything happens for a reason. I mean I know it does but why so much negative from our loving God? I almost feel like I'm being punished. It breaks my heart.
I don't know what I want out of this post. Maybe just to put out that acceptance is a hard thing to do and that I know I will eventually accept everything and not just pieces.
Thanks for listening :)
