Acceptance

With 8 kids, the birthdays tend to just roll right in with no warning. But really, you know it's coming it just happens so darn fast.

Our oldest son is now 22 yrs old. We miss him so much. 6 days later we celebrated Christmas and tonight (1 day early) we celebrate our daughter turning 17 yrs old. Then next week our son will turn 9 yrs old. Needless to say we have a busy winter season as 1 more son will be 19 yrs old in February. 

With every birthday I of corse go back with my memories to their birth. Really, what mom doesn't think of the day their precious baby was welcomed into this world. Ugh, then I get all weepy cause the time just went by so fast. Well, did it? Or was I just too busy with other things? I often ask myself, what if... I always feel like something could have been done to hold on to each of them just a little bit longer. Maybe if I took my time or maybe I just rushed them to grow up too fast. Ok, who am I kidding? I know I didn't make anyone grow up any sooner than needed, yet I always feel like I could have done something different. 

I guess the only real different thing I could have done is accept. Accept that everything is going the way God is intending for it to go. It's just so hard. I look at all the good and think, Wow that's awesome! Then I look at all the bad and the heart break then I say, why? Why did God want that experience for us? I have such a difficult time accepting that everything happens for a reason. I mean I know it does but why so much negative from our loving God? I almost feel like I'm being punished. It breaks my heart. 

I don't know what I want out of this post. Maybe just to put out that acceptance is a hard thing to do and that I know I will eventually accept everything and not just pieces.

Thanks for listening :)

Giving Thanks

 It's that time of year again, A time to give thanks.

I guess I do have things to be thankful for and at the same time I say to myself then why are things the way they are? Why is my son still not home with us? Why does it seem like there is so much wrong with what's going on around us? And is there really anything to be thankful for....

Yes I do have things to be thankful for even though a lot of times it doesn't feel like it.

 We've not seen our son in 11 months. It hurts and it makes us all so very sad. We know it can't be helped and we just pray we will be able to hold him again some day soon. I am thankful to be able to hear his voice when we can and that we have the joy of being his parents.

We recently were going to adopt a sweet little 4 yr old girl. Her mother lied and used us till she couldn't any more. Having her ripped from us like that was devastating. I can't stand what she has done to us and what she continues to do to the kids that she has with her. I pray for their safety and for her to pull her head out of her ass and to put them first instead of just passing them off on others while she lives a life she wants without being a real parent. I am thankful that we were able to bring some stability and love to a child that needed and craved it, even though it was for a short time.

There are so many homeless out there, not just as individuals but families. I saw a family of 4, they had 2 little girls, just babies.. It broke my heart to see them like that. I know a lot of people put themselves in that spot and I know for some it can't be helped. I am Thankful my husband has a good job and we have a roof over our heads and the kids are fed and clothed. We have what we need and at times what we want. I'm thankful for the ability my husband has to provide for us all, not only our needs but for our wants.

I am now in school thanks to my wonderful husband. He gave me half of his GI Bill so that I could go to school. Again my husbands job and his time in the service has blessed me. Going to school and it's paid for. Truly thankful for this.

I am thankful for my family and friends. I am thankful that I am a wife and mother to 8 wonderful kids. I am thankful to be a CCD teacher to some wonderful kids and I am thankful for God for blessing me with all that I have.

I know there is a lot of dark out there and it often seems like things aren't going to get better but I have to learn to look at things in a different lite and embrace that things do happen for a reason and there is a plan and that it's not mine. At the same time not use any of that as an excuse either. Ugh!!! Growing up seems to have some down falls...haha!

Heart Break

Wow, It just feels like so much time has gone by.

Well my husband and I were offered the ability to adopt the sweetest little girl. Her mother has a lot of issues both medically and I feel mentally. We hadn't spoken to each other for a few weeks. She came to me and asked for my help. I asked her if she was considering putting up her daughter (again) for adoption and when she said yes I told her that we still wanted to do this. She said we were the only ones that she trusted with any of her kids and honestly that made me feel good, I was touched by this.

So we take her in as if she were ours all along. Since we all knew each other the kids were all excited she was here. Now I told her mother that we did not want to leave her out of anything. We wanted her with us on trips and family outings and she said yes that she totally understood and was fine with it. That made me feel a little at ease.

I took her to school and picked her up everyday. Bathed her, comforted her, loved her. Bought her toys of her own, new clothes and shoes that fit her properly. I was so emotionally tied to this little girl that called me mommy and my husband daddy and had more brothers and sisters now.

With deployment coming my husband wanted to sit down and find out where she really stood and begin getting things started with all the legal paper work. But she always put us off. Always an excuse for not being able to meet us even though she is around the corner from us. Never came to see her daughter at all. Only began really seeing her (Friday night - Sunday morning)  when her 4 sons moved with their father and he 2 daughters moved with their uncle, he older daughter moved with her father, oldest daughter put up for adoption as she had her young and one son with a neighbor leaving her with one teenage son. My husband was getting the vibe that she was using us and never had any intentions on letting us adopt. I said to him I knew that was a possibility but prayed it wasn't going to happen like that.

Well her school notified me that she needed a dental appointment. I told her mom and the first thing she says is they don't have dental. Your husband is military you should have dental. Well her soon to be ex-husband never put her on and she swore that she would take care of it. I told her that my husband was going to call him. She said ok. He called and her soon to be ex never returned the calls. I told her that he hadn't returned the calls and she said that he wouldn't either. My husband was tired of waiting and called again. Left a message then called a gain and got him on the phone. My husband told him if he wasn't going to put her on dental to release her so we could put her on ours. He had no clue that we had the little girl and all the kids were spread out. Non of the kids were his so I know she didn't feel it was his business and she wanted the money for support. She got a place of her own but is at her boy toys home day in and day out. Mind you he lives around the corner from my house. She can't take care of her kids but can take care of his.

So I spoke to the school about what was going on. They see her and they even said they saw a huge change in her for the better. She was always ready to go and start her day when I brought her to school. They said that she had stability that she needed and thought it was awesome that we were doing all that we were doing with her.

Her Halloween party was just so precious. She had so much fun and was just so adorable. I loved spending that time with her. A few days later I was picking up our sweet little girl from school. They told me that because her mother did not fill out the paper work that she was suppose to have filled out for a while that she could not come back to school. The lady at the front desk said that she knew the paper work was needed and even spoke to her so it should be no surprise to her. I was so pissed. I was upset. All these responsibilities and she chooses to dress up like a hoar for a banquet instead of taking care of any of her kids. So I sent her a text saying it was important that we spoke. She said no. She then said she wasn't giving up custody and that her ex wasn't dropping her from DEERS either. She said her son was coming to get her. I asked if she was saying that she wouldn't be with me anymore... She said she was keeping her from now on. I was crushed. This women lied to me and hurt me again. But even worse, she used her child as a tool to use us and played with her little emotions. I told her to send him immediately cause I was going to cry. As soon as he walked through the door I lost it. I cried my eyes out and my husband was out to see so I felt like I had no one. We hugged and cried together, her son hugged me as I cried and my kids were also by my side as I cried. How can anyone do such a thing. To use people and their own family and to toy with their emotions. And just lie like it was no big deal. I pray she brings her back, but I think she will just find someone else to tell a sob story to and dump her else where.

This whole thing just sucks! I can't do anything about it, I can't save this little girl. She really has been an influence on us all. I just pray that she will be ok and that if anything happens her mother will bring her back to us. I just want her safe, just like the rest of my kids.

Growing Up. It has to be done, right?

Life... Eventually we have to grow up. I said eventually.

     Well here I am, watching my kids grow and move on and prepare for their futures. I love it and at the same time it totally makes me sad. I start to think, what about me? I just wanted to be a mommy to my precious babies. I never said that any of them could grow up. That wasn't part of the deal. They all promised me they would stay my little babies FOREVER....
Well they lied. HA!

     One son in the Navy and another one working on joining. My daughter setting her sights even higher to try her best to go to college and become an Air Force Officer. But in the mean time she is being trained in Manicure. I thought it would be great because she loves nails and if she does as she plans and heads to college she would have a skill other than flipping burgers while she was in school. No such luck. The state of California says she has to be a high school graduate to get her license. So she gets to finish high school first. She was not happy. But she continues to learn from her boyfriends mom, this way when she can go through the manicure school she will be ahead of the game.

     I have five more kids from 4yrs to 12 yrs. Next Fall they will all be in school and I will be alone.

     So I started thinking. What am I going to do? My original plan of sitting in a corner with a bottle of Vodka crying my eyes out just doesn't seem feasible. I mean they have no buses here and well I have to pick the kids up. Mommy getting a DUI on the first day of school probably wouldn't go so well. HA!

     Then I started to really think, like a grown up. I like nails, I like make-up. No I wouldn't go so far as hair. I mean messing up another persons hair is a big deal. Yes, hair grows back but your with that messed up cut till it grows back. Not saying I would do it on purpose, but hair is a big deal. I did not miss term papers and late night cramming in school. So I knew I had no desire to relive that. I know I want to be able to work at home or on my own clock. I know that my kids are my first priority. So I don't want anything to interfere with my kids. So I started really looking in the field of beauty. I got excited. Something I love and they have classes at night. I'm in!

     I had a meeting with an advisor today and it went really well. I just kept getting more excited about everything as she took me through the tour.

     So I have decided to begin my journey with Esthetics. I get to learn about skin care, and make-up and how to wax. Basically learning the methods you would use in a Spa or Salon. The class is 7 months long. They also pay and help prepare me for my State Boards. Once I finish that I am going to go immediately into Manicuring for 5 months. Yes, nails! I love nails, who doesn't? So I am on cloud nine!

     Now, tuition. Well the plan is that my husband will transfer a portion of his post 9-11 GI Bill to me. That would pay for every thing. Now I have to wait for it to be approved. I am so nervous. Not just nervous but scared. I just want to know that I got it and can start in time. But I have to wait and be patient. I really hate not knowing. I have to know what is going on, that things are being taken care of. Ya, I'm a bit of a control freak. I'm praying that everything goes as God has planned for me. If I get it then I will be done with all of my schooling and licensing by the time the kids start school next Fall.

I'm still in a bit of shock that I am doing this. But so very excited too! So please say a prayer that everything goes well and Thanks for listening.

Kids In The Kitchen

I found this recipe some where online and I am dying to try it. It's the best of both worlds! Cinnamon rolls and blueberries. 

I have decided to make it a kids in the kitchen day. Let them all help out making yummy rolls. Yes, it gets a little harry when they are all in my kitchen and then everyone wants to lick the bowl! But I think I will enjoy it, be a little frazzled and take lots of pictures. Regardless it will be lots of fun and the kids will have the time of their lives.

Does anyone else out there have their kids in the kitchen? I actually think it's important. It gives you that bonding time as well as teaching your kids how to cook. And they can say "my mom/dad taught me how to make..." I know that when I tell my kids my parents taught me to make something, it's a pretty special feeling to be able to say that and then pass on what you were taught.

So I am going to give this recipe a try tomorrow (I hope) and then I will share the results with you.


Blueberry Cinnamon Rolls
Yield: makes 24

Ingredients:


For the Dough
2 cups whole milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup sugar
2 1/4 tsp active dry yeast
4 cup flour
1/2 cup flour
1/2 heaping tsp baking powder
1/2 scant tsp baking soda
1/2 tbsp salt

For the Blueberry Filling
1 pint blueberries
3 tablespoons granulated sugar
2 teaspoons cornstarch
2-3 teaspoons lemon juice
3/4 cup water

Additional Blueberries for Sprinkling
1 pint blueberries
2 Tbsp sugar
4 Tbsp cinnamon
2 Tbsp flour
1 batch Cream Cheese Frosting


Directions:


For the Blueberry Filling
In a small saucepan, combine 1 pint of the blueberries, sugar and cornstarch. Stir in lemon juice and water. Turn heat to medium and cook, stirring often, until mixture begins to thicken slight. Remove from heat and allow to cool.

For the Dough
Mix whole milk, vegetable oil and sugar in a pan. Scald to 150 degrees. Let cool until lukewarm (~45 minutes). Sprinkle in yeast and let sit. Then add 4 C flour, stir mixture together. Cover and let sit for one hour.

Add 1/2 C flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Stir mixture together.

Divide the dough in half. Sprinkle surface generously with flour and form into a rectangle, roll the dough thin, maintaining a rectangular shape. Spread half of the blueberry filling onto the dough. Sprinkle half of the additional blueberries for sprinkling on top. Roll the dough toward you. Pinch the seam to seal it. Grease foil cake or pie pans. Cut rolls 3/4 to 1 inch thick and lay in greased pans. Repeat with other half of dough and blueberry filling.

Cover the rolls and let sit for 30 minutes.

Bake at 375 for 15 to 18 minutes.

Generously drizzle frosting over warm rolls after they come out of the oven.

Hello World!

Well it's been a while.

It seems like the move really took a lot out of me emotionally. I was so happy to get out of NC, but of course I miss the very few friends that I made. All of my "adopted" kids I really miss the most. They brought so much joy to us all.
My visit home was just too short. Leaving Virginia was hard, as it always is. I hate leaving my family. I know this will be for a short time but it still sucks. The hardest is being away from my son. I wish he was home.
So much has happened that has been devastating to our family and for now I can't get into it. But always know that prayers are appreciated.

We made it to California. After car issues as well as being robbed in Tennessee, we made it.

We like our house here. it's a 5 bed room which all of the kids love. The back yard is pretty awesome. Yes, because there is a park in it-lol! I could do without all the sand, though the kids love it.

All the kids are enjoying their schools. They seem to be doing well, Thank God. The only thing I dislike very much is that there are no school buses here unless you want to pay for it. $600 per kid a year! That's just crazy. They tax for everything here and can't afford to get the kids to school?! So I drive all day 3-4 round trips and three different schools. I am always tired from the running around. I hate it. I look forward to school breaks just so I can sleep and not have to drive. It's sad, I don't want to get in a car unless I have to.

We found our church. It's nice. I am teaching 5th and 6th grade Catechism. I love it. I have a great class, as always.